Satirical Story
Note to slow readers- satirical column follows:
Foti Takes Lead for New Orleans- offers M. Vick post with SPCA
Charles Foti, former sheriff employing hundreds of mostly unemployeable New Orleanians in the past, has identified a new head honcho for the New Orleans SPCA.
"We feel Michael Vick can lend the tenderness and compassion to the animal kingdom in a post-Katrina world," Foti said. "Plus he'll bring a good, positive image back to New Orleans. While this hiring is in no way inside my jurisdiction at all, I feel the citizens of New Orleans deserve the very best in representation, and Michael Vick fits the bill. We'll just have to keep a tight collar on him." When questioned about the validity of such an offer or the candidate for the job Foti chose to pursue, Foti immediately pulled out a petition to the Court demanding a public apology from the questioner.
Vick, unable to comment so early into the offer, was said to be contemplating the role with great interest. His publicist said the move to New Orleans would be an easy transition, as he and his cousin Aaron Brooks had a house "somewhere on the ouskirts of Slidell" that had plenty of housing for himself and his "pets."
In other news, D.A. Eddie Jordan has been placed in charge of city security for the 2008 NBA All-Star game to be held in New Orleans next February. When asked about the needed extra security for the city, Jordan assured the media that the NBA players and associated fans would be on their best behavior, because he personally spoke to Allen Iverson about the issue and Iverson reportedly commented, "oh, yeah, we gonna be alright, we promise". A reporter was said to have nearly choked on a cocktail treat upon hearing the comment, and Iverson's eyes lit up. Jordon saved the choking victim by repeatedly applying what he called the "Heimelicky" manoever which apparently involves repeated punching of the larynx.
Also, to celebrate the Bayou Classic, Chief of New Orleans Police Warren Riley is giving the entire police force the weekend off.
Foti Takes Lead for New Orleans- offers M. Vick post with SPCA
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| Just one of the many, many, many political fools to surface in the national spotlight out of New Orleans over the last 2 years. |
"We feel Michael Vick can lend the tenderness and compassion to the animal kingdom in a post-Katrina world," Foti said. "Plus he'll bring a good, positive image back to New Orleans. While this hiring is in no way inside my jurisdiction at all, I feel the citizens of New Orleans deserve the very best in representation, and Michael Vick fits the bill. We'll just have to keep a tight collar on him." When questioned about the validity of such an offer or the candidate for the job Foti chose to pursue, Foti immediately pulled out a petition to the Court demanding a public apology from the questioner.
Vick, unable to comment so early into the offer, was said to be contemplating the role with great interest. His publicist said the move to New Orleans would be an easy transition, as he and his cousin Aaron Brooks had a house "somewhere on the ouskirts of Slidell" that had plenty of housing for himself and his "pets."
In other news, D.A. Eddie Jordan has been placed in charge of city security for the 2008 NBA All-Star game to be held in New Orleans next February. When asked about the needed extra security for the city, Jordan assured the media that the NBA players and associated fans would be on their best behavior, because he personally spoke to Allen Iverson about the issue and Iverson reportedly commented, "oh, yeah, we gonna be alright, we promise". A reporter was said to have nearly choked on a cocktail treat upon hearing the comment, and Iverson's eyes lit up. Jordon saved the choking victim by repeatedly applying what he called the "Heimelicky" manoever which apparently involves repeated punching of the larynx.
Also, to celebrate the Bayou Classic, Chief of New Orleans Police Warren Riley is giving the entire police force the weekend off.
Don't forget Rickey Jackson, NFL poster child for deadbeat dads, being hired as the city-parish "Repo Man."
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Awesome Sis! Good read. He could be leader of social services.
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